One of the best perks of living in Texas is the amazing Hashing weather we have in February. While other parts of the country are still digging themselves out of the snow and ice, the Bastrop-Smithville hashers were convening in beautiful Lake Bastrop Park (the south shore!).
We milled around waited for other hashers to arrive. Our Hares, Whoreo and Bubbles, advised us to drink water before starting trail or to carrying water on trail because it would be quite a way until the first beer check. Chalk talk was short and sweet and the hounds were released onto the trails of the park. The pack quickly split into smaller groups to follow the awesome trail the hares laid. We quickly hit a few checks and tried to mark the way for others who were following. There was some shiggy involved, but the majority of the trail followed the trails through the park. At one point Floppy Dick, 51, his son, and I briefly lost the trail. We saw flour marks on the other side of the barb wire fence, so we carefully hopped the fence. Even Shit for Breath, Floppy’s dog, was coerced into squeezing under the wire. After we were over, 51’s son pointed out there was a break in the fence a little ways down. But, hey, who doesn’t like hopping rusty looking barb wire fences? Our little pack hung loosely together and we shortly came upon Dazed and Contused looking, well, a little dazed and confused. He was on the other side of small ravine and wasn’t quite sure how he was on that side and we were on the other. 51 was positive he had started after us. After a little more shiggy true trail was back on the park trails. By this time in the day the sun was really starting to beat down. Even Shit for Breath decided he was ready to slow down a little.
FINALLY we saw the BN!! But true to Whoreo’s nature, we didn’t actually see any beer another quarter mile. After running nearly 5 miles of trail those coolers of beer were a welcome sight. By this time a few other hashers had autowanked to the beer check. Our pack was slowly growing larger. After downing a few cold ones the hounds were given the choice to autowank it back or complete trail backwards (minus the shiggy and checks). Floppy Dick, Shit for Breath and I were the only hounds who were eager to do the trail twice. We were joined by Bubbles, Uniporn and Just Matt for the 4 miles of trail back to the start.
Once the group reconvened at the end, 51’s son made sure everyone had a shot of rum from a mango. “Drink from the slit,” he told all of us. After a few more drinks were consumed, the pack made their way to the campsites. People pitched in to help ATM and Wang Chucks unload the truck bed full of wood they had brought. (We were informed the next morning by Midget Fluffer that he prefers the harder wood because it lasts longer). We had a fast and loose circle led by CSS. People were called out, beer was drunk, and songs were sung. 51’s son was called out for new shoes so they were filled with beer and he proudly drank it down-down. The hares provided a fantastic dinner of chicken, potato salad, and of course your basic hash fare of cheetos, peanut butter, and tortillas. After the food had digested and it was dark, our Night trail commenced.
Whoreo pointed us in the right direction out of the campsite and from there we followed glow sticks to stay on true trail. There was a shot check at Sux for Socks and Jizzly Bears camp site. Devine Bovine poured the shots while the hounds all had a go at ring toss. This quickly became a game of strip ring toss. If you missed, an article of clothing came off and if you made it, you chose who took off clothing. Whoreo, who wasn’t even participating in the ring toss, ended up shirtless. After making it back to the camp site more bottles and bags of food were passed around. Although the night got cooler, we had a blazing fire to keep us all warm. The only true casualty of the night was the blue camp chair. It went from slightly wobbly to flat out broken on the ground. At least no one tried to throw it in the fire. There was an almost full moon to allow ample light for all the hashers to make it to their tents and campsites.
The next morning dawned crisp and cool. Hashers slowly started emerging from tents, trucks, and campers as the sun was rising. A few of us walked over to the lake to watch the mist rise from the warmer water to the cool morning air. Due to Wang preferring quantity over quality, we still had enough wood to start a roaring morning fire. Bellies were refueled with coffee, doughnuts, muffins and bananas.
Whoreo and Bubbles did a quick “raise your hands if you want a beer” poll before heading out to lay a morning trail. Floppy Dick and I missed the pack leaving for the morning trail but ATM said they were only about 2 minutes out. We found trail and bumped into Devine Bovine and $10 Blow Job along the way. Surely we would be last to the beer check due to our late start but when we arrived the Hares awarded $10 Blow Job and Devine Bovine FRB and FBI! Somehow the rest of the pack were not able to follow trail and went back to the camp site. More beer for us! A barefooted CSS was found as the pack was on the return trail and was awarded with a beer. Once everyone was back at camp it was time to pack up and head out.
The second Bastrop/Smithville Hash was a huge success! Over 14 miles of trail was covered by those who did all the trails (Floppy Dick and Hipp-Ho). A total of 19 Hashers were in attendance at some point during the weekend. This pack may be small, but it is mighty.
HH (aka Hipp-Ho)